The Anti Christmas, Christmas

I use to believe in Jesus when I was small. I used to go to church, alone. Mom would drop me off at the big church with the big steeple, downtown Armstrong. Often I would be chosen to pull the big rope and ring the bell twice before the real chimes would start. It was so heavy that if I held tightly onto the rope the bell would  pull me back up and then down again.
Dad would get mad at me for reminding him not to use "the Lords name in vein". I didn't understand that you didn't tell a man not to swear when he was already mad. I made the same mistake over and over.
I was the only one in the family who went to church and actually believed in God. And I was proud of that.

I also remember the year that I fell out of love with Jesus. I remember being so angry at him and testing him asking him to prove that he was real.
The first day that I realized that God wasn't someone that I wanted to follow any more was when my best friend told me she was moving to Gibsons, BC.
30 year old me remembers  my 7 year old self ask "Why would God take away a little girls best friend?"
And "Why would God take away my best friends brother?"

Grade 2 was the year that changed me for life. I had my group of friends. My best friend and I were in the same class for two years in a row. My Grandma lived next door to her, so I got to see her most days after school too. I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world.

The day Keira left was the day that snapped me into my new reality. I asked Jesus to do the impossible.
"Jesus, if you are real, Get Keira to stay." I was sitting on the swing set in the back of the big brick school crying. (as if I was in some sort of childrens' drama movie). I walked to my grandmas house a lone that day. Without my group of friends.
I was lonely, for the first time, genuinely lonely.

I didn't hear from Keira after that for years

That year was also the first time I can remember my "Grandma and Grandpa on the Farm" came for a visit to Armstrong. I remember visiting them in Manitoba but can't remember them coming to us.
I tested Jesus again when they came to visit. "Jesus, if you are real please make Grandma an Grandpa stay"
They left before I went to school that day. I remember crying in the stairway at school.
A little boy asked me what was wrong and I told him. He laughed hard, called me a name and punched me. He told his friends, and that was the day I found out that I was going to be bullied for the rest of my school life.

I lost my faith in Grade 2. Although I tried so hard for a number of years to get Jesus back into my heart. I prayed for the holy ghost to find me, to bring me peace, to make me cool. I asked Jesus to make me thin, to make me pretty, to make me happy. Never did Jesus deliver.
I went to vacation bible school during my summers with the neighbor kids. I got kicked out for asking too many questions. Questions weren't a loud in VBS. When I was older I went to Christian camp. I went to camp for many years, even worked there in my teens although I got fired for having pheromones. Apparently Jesus doesn't approve of attracting people (either sex) with something natural that humans posses.
Jesus upset me, made me wonder why being different was so bad. Why asking questions was not tolerated.
I had a silent fight with the Lord for 20 years

I became ok being Godless in University. I took a course on religion and it helped me see that nothing is wrong being non Christian. That there are so many beliefs, religions, gods, spirits and Saints that I didn't have to choose just one. I could choose two or three, or make up my own. I chose none.

I became me.

A few years later I found Drew. Fell in love, Married, lived life happily.
I only prayed once in the last 8 years, and that was when I was pregnant. Again, Jesus did not recognize me or my prayers. And I finally decided to throw religion to the wind for once and for all.

This year Drew and I are doing something different. Since neither of us are religious, we are going to stop celebrating something that we don't believe in. We are going to get away from all the commercialism, crazy stresses, and last minute shopping. Not that we are going to throw tradition out the window, but we are going to do things differently.
We will still enjoy our families and delicious food and company at Christmas. But will be toning the gifts down to only edibles.

We will now be doing our Celebrating twice a year. Once on September 10th and once on April 8th.
Instead of celebrating something we can't see, hear, or trust. We will be celebrating something we love, can trust, hear, and see. We will be celebrating us. Our births.

We are excited to see how our idea pans out. This is our first year being different. (Which Jesus wouldn't approve of either)

Happy Christmas to everyone. We love you and will be thinking about you this holiday while watching Home Alone, drinking vodka with cranberry ginger ale and eating butter tarts.

Please enjoy your holiday, be safe, eat a lot and drink as much as you want.
We hope that 2013 brings you accomplished resolutions, health and love.